MS has made me realize...

First off, I wanted to apologize that I haven't been blogging lately...
I've been busy with some things with MSWorld, the kids going back to school.... and my biggest time consumer... READING! I can't help it sometimes... I get in the mood to read... & I just can't stop. So.... let's see how I can update everyone on everything...

I "celebrated" my two-year MS diagnosis anniversary on 8/30 ... Very weird, looking back... seeing where I was then and where I am now. It wouldn't seem like a lot has changed about me but it has. I have a whole new outlook on life!

So, I titled this blog -- "MS has made me realize...", So, here it goes on how MS has changed me:
I no longer take things for granted... by saying that, it can mean a lot of things. When most people say they don't take something for granted... they are talking about... love, friendship, work, money, etc. When I say it, as I'm sure many other people with MS can relate, I do not take everyday for granted... I don't take the fact that I can walk for granted (not always well, but I still can), I don't take my family for granted, I don't take chewing solid food and swallowing it for granted ( as some of you might know, October 2010 I had a bad flare that paralyzed the right side of my face, and I couldn't eat solids... and I had problems swallowing)... I don't take for granted... holding a conversation...  at times I get stuck when I speak to someone... my brain has the words I need to say, but the connection from brain to mouth gets confused? maybe? & I just stop speaking for a bit...
The list could go on and on...

MS has made me realize, not to sweat the small stuff... and appreciate what I have in my life at present. Used to... I would be making sure that the "friends" I had here were still my friends and we were super close and did everything together.. when those "friends" ended our friendship, due to my diagnosis, I was upset, I can't lie about that... but now... look what life has given me. I have a best friend, that I haven't even MET face to face... but she is my best friend, regardless. We met at MSWorld.... and we complete each other, in a freaky connected way... I've learned from this.. friendship isn't about how much you "hand out" with the person, it's the connection you have... & the trust & love.

MS has made me realize... that Life is about love and joy, even in the ups and downs. I no longer strive to have my house spotless, sorry but I just don't have the energy to keep up with it 24/7... I have now become one of those.. "Oh crap, someone is coming over" kind of cleaning mechanism... lol

While not all people with MS can say this, or feel this... and I'm not sure if everyone ever will share these feelings...
MS, while it is a burden, it has helped me grow and found true happiness within my surroundings, so for that I'm thankful. While I am not "glad" that I got MS... I can say that I've accepted my diagnosis, and by doing so, I've grown and just feel like such a better person. I can't even in-vision what my life would be like right now had I never been diagnosed... never had MS all together. I have met the most amazing people from this MonSter of a disease... and for that I thank you MS.... odd to say I know.

I think that this is why when people give me that "I feel sorry for you look"... it doesn't bother me, because there is nothing to be sorry about.... I don't want or need pity... just the love and kindness and support... I haven't grown an extra limb due to MS... so I don't like seeing "the look" as if I have...

The bottom line is, I could be better.... I could be worse... with MS, you never know when something is going to happen... or what your going to feel like every morning when you wake up... But I have come to the conclusion, that MS has made realize, I'm not going to live in fear and wonder... of just the unknown. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime... this is why things that used to bother me, don't... I just don't care to involve myself in drama... or fighting... or anything that is unpleasant, because in all reality, my MS gives me "unpleasant" everyday... but I'm not going to let it control my behavior and actions.

I sometimes day dream, what if I could let some of the people around me, feel what I feel... for a short time frame... how would they feel? Pain wise... mainly... I've been dealing with it for so long, it's just a part of my everyday... & as my mother says, "I have a high pain tolerance, compared to the average person".... for instance, when they ask you on a scale from 1-10 how bad is the pain... and "average" person says 8.... I would say.. 4.. because of my pain tolerance... if that makes sense.

Well, I think that's enough rambling for one morning... :)

Until next time!

xoxo
Ashley!