It's all catching up to me...

Okay, so if you read my last post, "The Disabled taking care of the Disabled"... you kind of know what I've been going through lately. I was doing really well with handeling everything that was going on around me... but I think that it's all catching up to me now.

I've been trying to focus on the fact that I'm going to the AAN meeting in New Orleans at the end of the month... so I've been trying to prepare myself for that and really looking forward to just "getting away". But it seems as if all the stress of the events that have been going on around me, have been catching up to me all at once.

We found out two-days ago that James's Captain passed away, which is heart breaking. I guess sometimes, no matter how much you pray to God for the person to get better, God knows what's best for that person, and needs that person in Heaven to serve a better purpose.

I'm getting really aggravated with the detective that is working James's case with this whole assault thing. He isn't contacting me, and he isn't calling me back when I leave a message or anything. Friday, we went to the neuro surgeon for a follow-up, and this coming Friday James can get the stitches out and return to work on Saturday.

My oldest son Jason, ended up having Pink Eye in both eyes last Friday... and he is over that now as well. My grandpa went to the ER last Sunday for an "Anxiety Attack"... and I'm just like okay, what else is going to be thrown at me... cause I really don't think anything else can be thrown at me. Well, I was wrong.

I've been really fatigued lately. The adderall is helping with my fatigue, but it's my body that is fatigued... if that makes any sense. And then this morning I woke up, to have the whole left side of my body hurting and weak. I'm like oh you have got to be kidding me.

I'm wondering if my body is just reacting to the stress I've been put under the past two-weeks... or if something is actually going on inside my head. I'm hoping that my body is just reacting to the stress. I've contemplating calling my neuro, to see what I should do. I don't know if he would set me up for a round of steroids, just to be sure.

I don't know why I'm sitting here contemplating calling him... I guess in the back of my mind, I don't want to have to hear (again) that my disease is progressing. Because that means I'm pretty much out of options... and they would look at me being Secondary Progressive MS... which I've thought that I am this whole time.

Another part of me, just doesn't want to show any kind of weakness right now. Because I'm having to be the strong one and hold everything together right now. I just don't know how long I can put on that act that everything is okay. I just am waiting for someone to see through my lies that I'm doing okay.

I've been saying that I'm doing okay for so long now, I started believing myself... in a way at least. I'm hoping that the coming weeks are going to settle down so I can just take a break and relax my body and mind. I just don't want to think about anything, or be depended upon to do something for someone for a whole day. Lost cause, right?

I think that I'm just going to suck it up and call my neuro and tell them the stress I've been under and see what they suggest. We will see where to go from there, and I will keep everyone updated.

I'm gonna go watch a movie with my youngest son now, see if he will just RELAX today! I might wait a day to call neuro now that I think about it, because we did just get a "cool front" and that can contribute to why I'm feeling the weakness and pain in my left side. Fingers crossed?

xoxoxo
Ashley

Here is a picture I took in my front yard... enjoy:
http://creativecenter.msworld.org/gallery/photography/texas-blue-bonnets