Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!!

I can't believe I made it to midnight last night... I was so exhausted... I went to bed shortly after. Today I had to cook & bake some more for New Years Day lunch at James's aunt's house. I'm glad that all my baking tasks are done for a while. We had some people over last night for a get together for New Years Eve, however, a lot of the people that were supposed to show up, just didn't and didn't tell us that they weren't coming either. That really pissed James and I off, I hate flakey/shady people.

Jason w/ his sparkler!
I'm glad the boys go back to school this week! Hallelujah! Tuesday, I might go shopping w/ my giftcards :) That is, if my body will let me. I kinda had it out w/ some people last night about this whole healthy eating thing... Am I against eating healthy NO but do I want to be vegetarian, HELL NO! I'm a Texan... it's against our nature to be Vegans lol I pretty much made them shut up when they were pushing the subject that it will make me feel better and "heal" me... I said "Okay, I understand eating right will make me feel better all around, doesn't have to be straight vegan diet for one. And for two, IT CAN'T REVERSE THE DAMAGE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE IN MY BRAIN... THEREFORE IT CANNOT "HEAL" ME!!!!" That was about the time that we changed the subject.

My clean house is no longer spotless!! I'm so pissed, but I knew it wouldn't last long. Oh well, at least I got to enjoy it for a little bit anyways. The boys didn't make it to midnight, they were exhausted! Now that the holidays are over, I'm going to go on a strict diet of healthy meats and veggies! I've lost a lot of weight that way before and felt better when I ate that way, so I'm going back to it.. I wasn't going to diet during the holidays though, because that's just stupid. 

Luke w/ his sparkler!
I feel that I only have ONE life to live... and I'm going to make it the best life that it can be. Even though I have to deal with MS everyday... I'm still going to make it the best it can be. I did notice when I was eating really healthy that I felt better... like more energy, but none of my other symptoms went away. Spasticity is one of the biggest symptoms I deal with along with cognitive issues... I'm really thinking from what I've heard and read that Tysabri will really help me out in that factor.

I'm also ready to be out of this bad mood I've been in like, all of December. I've just been on edge and testy I don't know if it is the stress or what but omg I have been one big biatch. I feel bad that I've been that way, but then again, sometimes I don't feel bad because some people deserve my bitchiness. I'm just not the kind of person that puts up w/ crap. I don't give people trust right off the bat, they have to earn it... and once you break that trust... and talk crap or do something sneaky,  I'm not going to just get over it and forgive you. "I will forgive ( at some point ) but never forget."

I feel very isolated these days. I used to have so many friends around me all the time, now I have.. none... well I have friends from MSWorld, but they aren't "around" me if you know what I mean. Though I've been isolated socially here... I actually feel better off... it's like I got the bad seeds out of my life and the only thing I can do now is move forward and be a better person. That's been my goal since I've gotten diagnosed is be a better person... and actually make a difference, and I finally feel like I'm making that difference.

One thing about me is, I don't really have a censor... I say what I want to say, when I want to say it... and if you don't like it, TOUGH. I've really been trying to work on that... but it's going to take some time. I just can't stand fake people and friends that do shit behing my back... don't be involved in my life if you are going to be that kind of person, ya know?

I'm just glad that I'm finally getting my life on a track that I'm happy with and I'm moving forward and leaving all of the bullshit behind me. Here is to a New Year and New Start!

Well, Happy New Year everyone!


Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood


  1. hello Ashley I just found this blog randomly and read only one post of yours so far, you sound so much like my boyfriend its funny (no sensor) and lives his life the same way he said he is not going to eat or do things he doesn't like. he says its not going to improve the length of life but possibly the quality and not going to live around the disease until he has to. I guess what i'm getting to is I love him and if you could give me any advise on what to do and what not to do just from your experiences i would appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed your new years,you have 2 beautiful little boys

  2. its kate again and i keep telling you how parallel our lives are. the laundery made me smile because that is my "thing" that just won't ever get done. i hate that you hurt after trying so hard to make a nice holiday. now my baby 19m tomorrow has the stomach bug what a mess! tomorrow we will be doing lots more laundry and dishes and figuring out how to cook for my family better. wouldn't it be neat to meet and curl up on the couch together. hang in there. easier to write and say than actually do but hang on to the knowledge that i am praying for you