I think I'm finally reaching that point where I'm at peace with everything. Things are finally calming down... and I'm coming to realization that things will never be "normal". The symptoms I experience aren't going to go away... they are going to be roller coaster ride and that's something I have to live with. When others ask me how I'm doing, of course I'm going to say, "I'm fine" because what they don't realize is that MS & it's symptoms don't just go away... You can be at your "normal" level of dealing with MS and then you can be in a flare, or something has aggravated your MS/Symptoms. There is never a true meaning of "I'm Fine".
I don't know what's more irritating... living with MS or having people constantly ask me and expect me to be magically "fine". I didn't ask for this... and it's even harder not knowing what caused me to have it. There is no cure... and that's something all of us with MS must live with everyday. I put my trust and faith in the Doctors and Scientists and the FDA to do what's best for those living with MS. Do we all get frustrated with them.... yeah, because they don't have to live with what we have to everyday. So we expect them to do everything in their power for us, but yet that takes time... and some of us feel like that time is wasting away.
I always think to myself.... What can I do to make a difference? I know that I can't change things that go on with science and the FDA. But I think that I can make a difference in the way people deal with MS, even if it's only helping myself. It's hard to stay positive in the fight against MS, I know this... I for one do not always have a positive outlook when it comes to fighting MS. I, for one, want my life back before MS. Dealing with the fact that I will never have my life back before MS, is a daily struggle... but I just feel that if I do what I can to help others, it also helps me. Hearing and knowing I have made a difference in someone's life, besides my own, empowers me to keep going on with what I'm doing.
I'm trying to enjoy my life that I'm living now with MS. I'm still a mother of two handsome (yet at times nerve racking) boys. I told my husband that I would understand if he didn't want to live with MS with me, but yet he is still here.
I know that people look at me differently now.... looking at me like I'm a fragile piece of glass that can shatter at any given moment. I'm proving them wrong by not shattering in to pieces. I'm being strong, as strong as I can be. I do have my days where I cry... don't get out of bed... I'm silent all day, I mean... I'm not strong 24/7... I do have my break downs. But I make sure that after I have my break down, I get back up and pick up where I left off in my fight.